Edition #12: Are you allowed to get it wrong?

I’m not asking if other people allow you to get it wrong.  I’m asking if you allow yourself to get it wrong.  Because we often have far more compassion for others than for ourselves.

We’re adults.  We’re supposed to know everything.

But we don’t.  

And there’s only one way to find the answer.

Dive in.  Try something new. Ask the question. Test the idea.

Risk getting it wrong.

“Compare your student films to George Lucas’s student films.  Not Star Wars.”

~Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way

The Problem: A Prison Called Perfection

Does perfection inspire or stunt…?

Would I rather be a big fish in a small pond…or a small fish in a big pond?

In the first scenario, I get to feel special and important all the time.  Which I have to admit is quite appealing to my ego.

In the second, I’m constantly growing, discovering new things about myself and the world, questioning if I know anything at all, and wondering if perhaps I should just quit because millions of other people already do this way better than me.

A touch dramatic, but it makes the point: if I want to grow and try something new, I have to be willing to do that new thing badly - while surrounded by people doing it really well. 

So how do I mentally prepare myself for this?

The Solution: Be Fair To Yourself

Don’t compare your start with someone else’s ending…

When we say we “can’t” do something, do we really mean it?  Or is it that we won’t do something unless we are guaranteed to do it perfectly?

If that’s our criteria, I fear the list of things we do in life will be very short.

But if I’m okay with being bad at something - at least temporarily (I’m not saying I want to stay bad) - then the possibilities and the opportunites are endless.

Then I start making decisions based on the things I could learn and the person I could become!

…instead of limiting myself to who I am right now. 

I stop confusing my beginning with my ending and give myself permission to be bad in the name of growth.

The Application:

How to be a great loser…

I was in Nepal as an ambassador for The Leprosy Mission, getting ready to encourage and inspire the incredible medical team at Anandaban Hospital working hard to eradicate this disease.

Stef in front of a room of of people from the medical team at Anandaban Hospital in Nepal.

Stef holding a prosthetic leg while being shown a block of wood in a workshop.

The event host gave a lovely introduction to my keynote, generously introducing me as “Stef Reid, a great winner.”  Which was met with rapturous applause.

I couldn’t help but smile as I took the stage because the description is wildly inaccurate.  Statistically speaking, he should have introduced me as “Stef Reid, a great and frequent loser.”  

Because the reality is, I’ve lost 95% of the competitions I’ve been in.

The confusion exists because the few times I did win happened to be in some important moments.  When I put together all the things I learned from all those losses.

There is so much pressure as an adult to always get it right. To always be perfect. To instantly be the final product.

And I hope you reject it.

And I hope you always give yourself permission to be a beginner.

What would you try today if you didn’t have to do it perfectly?

A final quote from Julia Cameron:

“We opt for setting our limits at the point where we feel assured of success.  We may feel stifled, smothered, bored.  But yes, we do feel safe.  And safety is a very expensive illusion.”

Is the illusion worth it?

I hope you’ve had a fantastic start to the new year!  And keep sending in your Hail Mary Fridays - I love hearing what you are up to!

Stay bold, friends!

- Stef 💪