Edition #29: The Hail Mary Friday Club: Stop negotiating with yourself
Cinderella told me off last week.
Her exact words were: STOP NEGOTIATING WITH YOURSELF
And by Cinderella, I mean my skating coach Vicky, who is the living embodiment of Cinderella and literally was Cinderella for Disney On Ice.
It came after another failed attempt at a flip jump. And honestly, she said it with a little more bite than I was expecting…
First, because the entry into a flip is really hard, especially when you enter the jump on an artificial foot.
Second, because I am an adult recreational skater who knows she is probably not going to the Olympics - does it really matter if I can land it?
And third, you don’t expect sweet Cinderella to call you out when you are chickening out.
But that’s exactly what I was doing.
And negotiations were over. No more internal debate about committing to the landing.
Vicky gave me two choices:
land it on one foot, or…
fall over trying
““Do. Or do not. There is no try””
The Problem: Good intentions really aren’t all that good…
Intention is not the same as execution.
Intention stays in your head.
Execution shows up on your calendar.
Or in your sent folder. Or on your bank statement. Or in a cold, wet pile of limbs on the ice.
The point is, execution involves action, like sending the email or investing the money. Something concrete in the real world that you can physically point to.
The Solution: Move from intention to execution
This is about translating every intention into a series of actions.
For example:
Intention = I’d like to start running more.
There is nothing concrete about this. No decision has been made. I’ll get to the end of the day, think about how I feel, and almost certainly decide I’m too tired.
Execution = Every Thursday, I will go to run club. If it’s raining, I will bring a rain jacket. If I’m tired, I will run tired. If I’m injured, I will do my rehab by the side of the track.
The choice has disappeared, and running is now my default. I don’t ask myself if I feel like it. Running is simply what I do.
Coach Vicky Black, a.k.a Cinderella
The Application:
Sometimes I feel like Yoda is being a bit harsh.
There are times when I’ve tried really hard and it didn’t happen. Does Yoda really think my effort is worthless?
I would argue no, and neither does my skating coach. What they are looking for is commitment, which requires a decision and an action.
Of course, Vicky knows I’m not going to nail my flip every time. Even Olympic champions get it wrong.
She wasn’t asking for perfection. Just that I stopped putting two feet down.
Commitment doesn’t guarantee success. But it will give you the best possible chance at it!
Think of something you’ve been intending to do for a while. Turn it into a specific action and put it in your calendar.
There is a lot of freedom in closing the negotiation. Decision-making is exhausting. I don’t want to conduct a fresh cost-benefit analysis of pleasure versus pain every time I want to go running.
I want to save all that energy and invest it in the doing!
Stay bold, friends!
- Stef 💪
PS. If you fancy a psychologist’s perspective on the difference between intention and execution, you can check out Inge Schweiger Gallo and Peter Gollwitzer's work.
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