Edition #16: Is losing the same as failing?
Is it a failure if you don’t win?
In the past few weeks, hundreds of athletes competed at the Winter Olympics and Paralympics…
…and the vast majority returned from Italy without a gold medal.
Does it mean they wasted their time?
“I think my greatest victory was every time I walked out there, I gave it everything I had. I left everything out there. That’s what I’m most proud of.”
The Problem: Is losing the same as failing?
There can only ever be one winner…
“Do you see these as two silvers gained or two golds lost?”
In other words, did you fail because you didn’t win?
A reporter put this question to freestyle skiing sensation Eileen Gu when she “only” came second in her first two Olympic events.
And it’s an important one to consider, because how you feel about loss and failure impacts every decision you will ever make.
The Solution: Choose process over outcome
Define your own success metrics…
Eileen’s response to the reporter’s question is revealing:
I’m showcasing my best skiing, I’m doing things that quite literally have never been done before, and I think that is more than good enough
This is someone who understands that goals fall in two separate categories:
Process Goals
Outcome Goals
An Olympic gold medal falls in the category of outcome goal. It’s omething you dream about. Something that gets you out of bed every morning.
But it’s also something I can’t fully control. I can’t control how someone else performs, and if their best is better than mine. I can’t control injuries. I can’t control rotten luck.
On the other hand, a process goal is fully mine. I choose to show up to practice prepared and on time. I choose to give every workout 100%. I choose how I fuel my body.
And when we define success by how closely we follow our values and process, we can be as unbothered as Eileen by this question
There can only ever be one winner, but there can always be multiple high performers.
(But for the record, Eileen went on to win gold in her third and final event shortly after that interview!)
The Application:
I came 4th in the Tokyo 2021 Paralympics.
And I cried. A lot.
I had spent 18 months fighting horrific freak injuries. And then another 6 months underperforming because I was scared of getting hurt again. But I made it to Tokyo, and jumped the best series of my life!
…only to miss out on a bronze medal by 3cm.
Why couldn’t I keep my butt in the air just a little bit longer?
And while there were a lot of tears, there was no bitterness. No regrets. I did everything I could to win. Every single thing. It didn’t work out the way I wanted, but I can live with that. I know how impressive it was for me to come back. And so does my coach.
And honestly, that’s enough.
And honestly, no one else cared that much! Embarrassment and shame come from worrying about what other people think. And the truth is, no one was thinking about me nearly as much as I thought they were.
And that truth is wonderfully freeing!
What Hail Mary Friday are you avoiding because you’re worried what others will think?
The Hail Mary Friday Club is all about the process goals.
It’s about doing bold, audacious things knowing they might not work out. But it will never be because we were too afraid to try!
Stay bold, friends!
- Stef 💪🏼
PS. Apologies in advance if there are mistakes. I’m hosting the Paralympic Winter Games Primetime Show for CBC in Canada -their coverage is awesome and you should watch it on CBC Gem! And while I am having the time of my life, I am functioning on minimal sleep!
Forward this to a friend you want to encourage!
Or forward to someone looking for an inspirational speaker.