Edition #26: Why isn’t this getting easier?
Why isn’t this getting easier?
Am I doing it wrong?
Am I doing it badly?
Should I quit?
Maybe.
But before you move on, it’s worth asking yourself one more question:
Is the hard thing the problem? Or is it how I’m thinking about this hard thing?
“Life will never be easy. It will always be hard. But we can choose our hard. Pick wisely.”
The Problem: I thought this would feel easier by now…Parenting
Exercising
Leading my team
Executing my social media strategy
Loving my partner
I thought the deal was that I do some research, put in the work, create my system, and badda bing, badda boom, that part of my life is now locked in easy mode forever.
I did all those things…so why does it still feel hard?
And if it feels hard, does it mean I’m not very good?
The Solution: Life is about growth, not ease
I was in the stadium when Josh Kerr broke the mile world record last month. I was fascinated by his process and found a podcast where his coach, Danny Mackey, explained the warning he gives all his athletes:
Training doesn’t make the workouts or the racing easier. It will always be hard. The training means you can run even faster while in pain.
On the one hand, a life of hard things doesn’t exactly excite me. Yes, I want to do big, important things…but I would also like to spend significant amounts of time in a Nordic spa with a glass of champagne.
But I think the bigger issue is that when something feels hard, our brains can make a lot of assumptions on our behalf and conclude we’re doing it wrong.
And we have to pay attention and correct it.
Because growth is about increasing your quality and capacity. Not about things getting easy.
The Application:
I decided it was a good idea to attempt the world’s most boring world record four days before running my first marathon.
I did it because raising money for charity is hard. Really hard. Everyone is running the London Marathon for brilliant causes, so I needed something extra.
Enter the Wall Sit!
I applied to Guinness World Records to attempt the longest wall sit by an amputee: sixty minutes. Approval granted! Now all I had to do was sit.
At that point, the longest wall sit I had ever done was 20 minutes. Which was fine because I still had four months to train.
But it got closer and I was panicking because the wall sits weren’t getting any easier. I still felt like I was going to die every time I hit 18 minutes.
I was angry and frustrated. It took a lot of mental energy to psych myself up for each attempt, knowing how much it would hurt and how far I was from an hour. I was tired of the challenge and I wanted out.
Fortunately, it was too late. I had already opened my big mouth, people had donated, and the Guinness World Record official was booked. Not to mention I had been given an hour-long slot on the main stage at the London Marathon Expo so everyone could watch.
There was no choice but to make friends with the pain. And over the next four months, I discovered two things:
No matter how much I trained, I would always want to quit at 20 minutes
If I got past 20 minutes, my interpretation of the burning in my thighs changed
That was the gamechanger. It never stopped being uncomfortable. But I stopped interpreting the burning as an instruction to stop.
On the day of the attempt, my legs were shaking at 45 minutes. My sweaty back was making the wall very slippery. And there was still a whole 15 minutes to go. Everyone was nervous, but I knew I would make it.
Yes, my legs were burning. And yes, I was hurting. But thanks to the awful training sessions, the discomfort felt like more of an observation, less a direct order.
It no longer meant it was time to quit. It was just a reminder that I was doing something worthwhile.
think about something in your life that feels hard right now.
Before you decide what to do about it, ask “what am I assuming hard means?” Does it mean stop? Does it mean change something? Or does it simply mean: “Yep. This is hard!”
Pain can be a warning. Some hard things are wrong for us. Sometimes quitting is absolutely the right call.
The point is that hard doesn’t automatically mean wrong.
The goal is creating a life that we have chosen…not one where hard things make the decisions for us!
Stay bold, friends!
- Stef 💪
PS. You can read the full Devon Brough poem here
Forward this to a friend you want to encourage!
Or forward to someone looking for an inspirational speaker.